Advice for a Date

Today I receive email from young lady who say: ‘Dear Kasimir, I understand you are expert in matters of the heart. I am extremely nervous about meeting a potential boyfriend for my first date this weekend. Do you have any advice?’

Naturally I have advice. To begin with I would ask you: why are you meeting this man? Is heart (your own) open for long term love or are you approaching event with only one night stand in mind? (I find this phase curious as ‘one night stand’ is not often done standing!). Either is of course completely wrong. Do not approach date with anything in mind apart from:

a: what you wear

b: how you smell

c: where you go

These are essential. Point b is very important and I would recommend a perfume chosen with great care, and a new one. Yes, a new perfume from special shop such as this one: In my own case I did meet love of my life after I did go and buy new perfume which did seem right one for that day, in that moment, in that shop (provincial merchant, so I would not attach over-importance to supplier. However I have great confidence in what I like and do not, so choosing is usually not tricky job. I would say that if you find making choice difficult then go to shop such as Les Senteurs and see what is suggest).

Now I will discuss point a in more detail. What does one wear for a date? I would say to wear anything at all. All rules of fashion are for idiot (no brown in town for man, is for example, date from time when brown might suggest man is about to slope of to country estate and do shoot, etc, and is not to be trust. Blue and green never to be seen is equally language of fool. I look from my window at sky and greenness of field which meet at horizon. Very beautiful. I would say dress only for yourself. Selfish dressing is good way to attract attention of other person – who might want something of what you yourself would be incline to jealously guard. I thank Ms Freud, daughter of Sigmund, who I did meet briefly for this insight. She was not herself often snappy dresser, preferring smock, but I would say she could on occasion get attention of a room. She and I did go on date and she was very much interest in my tie. ‘Kasimir,’ she say. ‘Where did you get such beautiful tie?’ I tell her it was made from me by seamstress I meet in Faubourg Saint-Honoré. ‘So Kasimir,’ she ask, ‘May I have this tie?’ I was so surprise at this request and what did follow that I eventually did give her my tie. I do not know what she did with it, but am always remembering psychoanalytic thinking she espouse during intimate moment later. Perhaps she wear tie, perhaps she use as belt.

On reflection I would say it is good to look at how garment detach, when going on date. For example to be able to take off jacket, shawl or item like hat is seductive without necessarily anything more to be removed. And this might be left in appropriate place for date to find and return, or to simply remember by. I wonder if Anna did have my tie in special place.

Point c is of vital necessity. Other person may say: where would you like to go? It is of no use to say I DO NOT MIND. This is lie, to begin with, as if other person suggest tyre factory or slaughterhouse what would you then do? No. Be explicit in what you like but not narrow: ie, ‘a cinema might be fun, I very much enjoy French film of 1960s’ … or ‘I do so like animal, perhaps a walk to park and see squirrel and bird.’ This second option might be thought of to be madness in case of rain, strolling thug or civic event such as fete (although simple planning would avoid this), but I would say bold choice is to be admire. To walk in rain with someone and laugh, and perhaps fall over even. This is my idea of love. If other person say: ‘oh no I hate squirrel’, or ‘yuck what if it rain would be dreadful’ then perhaps you know this is not person for you. Why waste time? Love is not to fit in with neuroses and captive effect of other person. Two people must be always two people as well as sometimes like one.

So now perhaps you are ready for date. Have as few expectation as possible but know self very well, and see what happen. This is my advice.